((:

2010-05-17T01:26:00.001+08:00

梦与现实。间

梦魔，是一个很可怕的东西。
他无所不在，无所不能，无所遁形。

他能让你尖叫。他能让你呐喊。
他能让你哭泣。他能让你孤单。
他能让你，惧怕。

当你以为自己仍掌握着自主权时，他已悄悄侵蚀你的肉躯，啃噬你的心灵。
当你以为发现还早时，他已傲慢地横跨现实与梦境的时空。
从那刻起，他赐予自己另一个身份，并取了一个很嚣张的代号：
心魔。

心魔，是一个很可怕的东西。
他无所不在，无所不能，无所遁形。

2010-03-29T18:21:00.003+08:00

Reading all the ancient posts made me cringe and laugh and wonder at the same time. The language the emotions the emo-ness; my eyes, they burn. Wow I was a really emo kid back then. Well compared to now, I wouldn't say I've grown up. But rather, I've grown out of the phase (or at least I hope so). Ha maybe I'd laugh at this post at another 4 years down the road and wonder why the hell am I doing a passe thing such as blogging. But then again, maybe I shouldn't laugh. Afterall, I should 尊重当时的自己.

\o/

2010-01-25T23:48:00.002+08:00

I suddenly feel so screwed up right now it's not even funny.

Seriously, I have no idea why.

And why can't anyone just sms/call me to ask how I'm doing or say that they've missed me or something. Feels forgotten though I know- or so I think- I'm not.

2010-01-02T03:24:00.004+08:00

十八岁的春天，就这样过去了。
感觉好老哦。
2009年，没什么感触。
没什么遗憾。(至少想不起来)
没什么惊喜。(还是想不起来)

毕竟要像小龙女一样保持青春容颜不易。古墓派玉女功的养生修炼就是要少思、少念、少欲、少事、少语、少笑、少愁、少乐、少喜、少怒、少好、少恶。

少思、少念、少语、少笑、少怒、少好、少恶这七个‘少’，我还在慢慢领悟中。
唉，我果然还是凡夫俗子一个。
小龙女太强了。
我的青春~

一提青春就让我想起九把刀那本《后。青春期的诗》。
那本书还真是他妈的好看。(我想我被赵正平影响了)
其实九把刀写的书(仅限于我读过的)，都很好看。
读完了，心里不会有什么太大或太多的感触。
就是会觉得他妈的，爽! (又被赵正平附身了，我的涵养~)

但想一想，还是觉得有点可惜。
十八岁的三百六十五天，没什么大风大浪，还真是有点闷。
但算了，至少我的原则还在。
良知还在。(至少我是这么认为的)
过着自己想过的生活，不去在乎世俗的眼光(反正我也不屑他们对我的看法)，我自己认为，已快修成正果了。

虽然有些小遗憾，但人际关系这种复杂的东西，我本就不在行。
反正，你若X妈的不在乎我，我干吗委屈自己的眼泪和心情。
以上所言并无针对任何人之意，请勿对号入座。
若有冒犯，乃您良知作祟，请面壁思过。

2010，我不期待。

因为，又老了一岁。

2009-12-04T19:16:00.003+08:00

so, that's how it felt. i don't like it. no no no no no.

land before time is :D

不是每个对你好的人就是好人。

2009-11-07T00:33:00.003+08:00

You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless.. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can 'do it' and what is more, you will - without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others.

You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.

You are a rather inhibited sort of person. This could be the result of your upbringing or of your schooling, whatever. You are able to obtain satisfaction from various forms of physical or emotional activity but all in all you are inclined to be emotionally withdrawn. As a consequence of this you find it difficult to sustain any deep involvement.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.

hmm. scary test indeed. b-but who wouldn't be worried about their future now? bah i don't even know how looking up latest news went to colorgenics test. pfft.

2009-10-04T02:56:00.002+08:00

觉得自己，很笨。

心情真的很差。以为能从你的身上得到些安慰。结果，更糟。

已经，不止一次了。

失约。你。惯犯。

已不生气。现在，反而觉得有点好笑。

-

抱歉，您的信任值已降至零。

增值期限也已超过。

请勿联络。

2009-09-27T23:56:00.003+08:00

“我不想变得和你一样冷漠。”这句话，很震撼。

有谁，愿意出租肩膀

2009-09-09T15:44:00.003+08:00

执著，轻易地被科技征服。

原来。

放手不过如此。

回忆，回顾记忆。
记忆，本就应记在脑里。
不应是储存卡。

逐渐成长逐渐老化逐渐麻木。
昔日感动，今时淡笑以对。

原已忘了，却很熟悉。
原很熟悉，却已陌生。

记忆卡发挥功能。

原来。

原地重来。

-

Why does my chinese fail so.

I should be studying.

2009-06-29T21:53:00.002+08:00

this is so stagnant i think nobody bothers to come here anymore. haha.

how i wish friday would just pass with a blink of an eye. D:

and hello there i miss you.

i want to give her two tight slaps. maybe i'll do it when i get my A's results. dammit. yue xiang yue qi.

i can't wait to watch transformers and subaruuuuu.

fandom has been addictive.

i worship jaesu.

i want to build sandcastles and walk on clouds.

i really adore jaesu.
quote: they're fucking otp of otps.

how true.

2009-01-30T22:11:00.002+08:00

好像很久没在这里写些什么了。回到这个网页，这四四方方的空白，突然感到很陌生。好像就连这个地方也已不再属于我的一般。真的很陌生、很抽离。认真地回想起来，我好像失去了好多东西。好多曾让我引以为傲、曾让我感动、让我微笑，的东西。

望着眼前发着微光的荧幕，突然感到一阵空虚。其实我知道心里这空荡荡的感觉早已存在着，但致使至今才好好的面对它、注视它。不知不觉，鼻子酸了，很酸很酸。我想这次，就破例吧。

这颗空虚的心，如果还能算是颗完整的心，现在，真的，很痛很痛。

仅此一次，下不为例。

2009-01-01T01:06:00.002+08:00

Hmm, have been contemplating whether to write an end-of-year reflection. Well, still considering, but just not writing one today. Though I don't really see the point in people exclaiming over the fact that 2008 has passed, happy new year and welcome 2009. Isn't it just another day? Maybe it's cause 2008 does not hold much significance to me. Hmm I'm not exactly very sure what's the feeling but maybe I'll explain it clearer in the end-of-year reflection(if I ever am going to write one).

Hmm, suddenly, I feel very very happy right now. [:

2008-12-18T16:08:00.003+08:00

1. The person who tag you is?
Stupid Tan Wei Ting who has eaten too full.

2.Your relationship with him/her?
Sworn enemies.

3.Your 5 impression of him/her?
Fretard, Bai Chi, Ben Dan, Big boobs, Annoying skin colour.

4.The most memorable thing he/she had done for/with u?
0502207 1200 (If I'm not wrong)

5. The most memorable thing he/she said to you?
*blinks* Qu si.

6.If he/she becomes ur lover, things he/she has to improve on?
Her looks, her intelligence, her studies, her character, her height. So basically, it's impossible.

7. If she/ he become ur enemy, you will?
(She already is.) I'll grab hold of every opportunity to tease and bully her. And still have her think that I'm her friend. (Inserts evil laugh)

9.What is it you want to tell her now?
Qu si.

10.Your overall impression of him/her is?
Fretard.

11. How do u think ppl ard u will feel ard you?
Insufficient. I'm too perfect.

12. The character you love of urself are(grammatical error, it should be "is")?
My perfect character.

13.On the contrary, the character u hate yourself are(is)?
None, I'm too perfect.

14.The most ideal person u want to be is?
No one. I like being the perfect me.

15.For ppl that care n like u, say something to them:
Love me more.

16.Pass this quiz to 10 ppl that u wish to know how they feel about.
Whoever wants to do just kope. Lazy to tag.

Part (B)RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secrets?
Who doesn't?

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
Nah. But if he's rich, smart, good-looking, tall and has a wonderful personality comparable to mine, maybe.

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
As long as he comes back.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Buy everything that I want, pay off all the mortage and car stuff and put 3/4 of the remaining money in the bank, using the rest for investment.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I'm already in love with them. [:

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone you love.

7. Give one reason why you love your significant other if you have one, one day.
Smart, tall, good-looking, rich, has a splendid personality.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Appear to be nonchalant but secretly scheme a plan to break them up. (Inserts evil laughter)

9. What is the first thing you want to do when you’re legal?
Does that mean I'm illegal? o.O This quiz has serious grammatical issues.

10. What would you do if your significant other if you have one day cheats on you?
Breakup and break his leg. And make sure he suffers. Yeah I'm one revengeful kid.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
Old. );

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Family, friends and myself. Duh.

13. How many times your heart has been broken?
Literally? None.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Married to riches.

15. Love at first sight.
Nope. That's infatuation, ain't love baby.

16. If you’re attached but you feel as if you like someone else, what would you do?
Forget about that other someone I like. Ain't fair to the one I'm attached to. And I'm sure I still like the person that I'm attached. It's just a temporary distraction of some sort.

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Forgive yes, forget no.

18. What do you want to tell the someone you like?
Do you like me? d:

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends, which will you choose?
Friends. Duh.

20. Do you believe that there’s “True Love”?
Nope.

Dang this is tiring.

2008-11-15T01:22:00.002+08:00

Ok I'm suppose to blog about 11Nov.

But I'm tired now. );

In short, it's just a day filled with pure dumb loveliness. These 6 people are such lovely idiots. Though I'm not sure whether they'll come and read this but anyway, the 6 of you, don't ever step out of my life. It's an order from your mother. [:

<3

2008-11-11T01:12:00.001+08:00

BLEAH.

2008-11-06T02:22:00.002+08:00

好久，没有用汉字表达自己。感觉怪怪的。

好久，没有好好地去享受一个人的宁静。

好久，没有灵感，没有冲动。

好久，不见。

“突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛” -五月天

2008-10-09T22:09:00.001+08:00

I really can use a hug right now.

2008-09-28T00:44:00.003+08:00

I really like this song. Cai Min You's songs really got a soothing effect. [:

[老地方]

我用双手舀起了半匙月光
涂在陪妳回家经过的池塘
水波扬着月光晃有点迷惘
我们坐在板凳上一起等待隔日天亮

跟着晚风又走到那个老地方
我的单车还是习惯倚在妳家的墙
我如往常的抬头望
不管云层里有没有月光

多么不想吵醒熟睡的小巷
路灯也听妳讲未来会怎样
这夜晚有一些凉一些盼望
如此不安的彷徨会不会也在你心上

跟着晚风又走到那个老地方
我的单车还是习惯倚在妳家的墙
我如往常的抬头望
不管云层里有没有月光

2008-09-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

Haha omg I think promos is driving me crazy. I've been getting real weird dreams. Yesterday I dreamt that I sprayed deodorant into my mouth and then I started coughing out yellow water. HAHA. And the night before I dreamt of Zack and Cody. Haha. It's damn funny la. Dreamt that we're in some sort of Indiana Jones kind of adventure. Heh.

And I really think I'll retain. /:

2008-09-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

Harkhui's a happy girl. Yay!

But still, I did it again.

2008-08-29T23:28:00.002+08:00

Trip back to SN is just simply OMG. Haha. Seeing so many reds go back is duper heartwarming can! And then there's always this constant screaming cause people'll be like "OMG! VERY LONG NEVER SEE YOU HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? OMG I MISS YOU!" and squeezing each other dry. And then there's this mad rush of people taking photos with each other. Haha the scene is just damn chaotic and cute la! At times like these, I really wish I got a camera of my own. ): Oh I hugged all the teachers that I wanted to hug today! And I took photos with Gan Die! Yay me!

But towards to end when we're about to leave school, I seriously didn't want to go. I mean, it's hard to say goodbye to all your friends, especially when you miss them all so much and you barely talked for more than half an hour. ): You don't even know when's the next time you'll see all these dear dear people. So it's kinda depressing in a sense. And I really miss the big big family atmosphere. Everyone can just heck care whether they're sitting or standing properly or whether they're talking too loudly. SN is really one of a kind. The teachers, students, gossips, classrooms, BODY CONTACT etc. It just makes you crave for more. Hmm so in the end, gave all my dear friends a goodbye hug and went off for lunch with Ah Fam.

OMG. Ah Fam is really one of a kind. I mean, haha, I think it's kinda amazing how the way we interact never changes. It's always suan-ing suan-ing and more suan-ing. HAHA. And Wei'en sucks la, though I know she has a valid reason for not joining us but eh she still sucks. Haha. <3 Oh, Xue Hua Bing is actually quite nice leh. Anyway, lunch was super funny. At first we went to this sushi place and actually sat down and then realise that the lunch promotion is actually over. HAHA. It was damn funny and maluating. Cause taking into account the economic factors, we decided to try our luck and eat pepper lunch instead. But it's kinda embarrassing, to have been seated down and then telling the people there you're not going to eat there and walk out. THE WHOLE RESTAURANT WAS LOOKING AT US MAN. And dumb Chern just had to bump her bag against the trolleys and attract even more attention. I swear to you some people would think we stole something la. In the end we settled for pepper lunch and Nette is really crazy for adding like half a bottle of I-don't-know-what-sauce to her rice. Crazy woman. After lunch and walking around to digest, Puay left. Rah another sucker. And then smart me suggested going to NTUC! Uber funness yo. All the phototaking and imitations. Haha. I so love these crazy women.

In conclusion, my day is yay! And the next time I go back to SN, I'll bring my own camera. -nods- I really really love SN alot alot.

Oh ya, almost forgot to mention that we kinda celebrated Xiaode's birthday. Haha she's still as tiny as ever. Oh wells, I want basketball sessions with them soon! Someone organise PWEASE.

2008-08-27T00:01:00.001+08:00

洪尉恩 ~~我想你~~。我不喜欢你。

2008-08-16T22:46:00.002+08:00

搬了家，把大门锁上，敞开窗户。搬了家，却把养的猫留在家中。故意或无意，我也不知道。猫沿着窗户不停的哀怨。看到人，便以期盼的眼神注视着，且更积极的哀叫。但每次希望落空。那只猫，为什么还在期盼。已经面临了无数次的无情、无数次的冷漠，不是吗？每次只能看着能解救自己的希望转身离去，它到底有什么感受呢。可恶。就算不想再继续养猫，也应至少把它放生，让它变成野猫或什么的。把它所在屋内、让它活活饿死、让它频频失望、绝望。若那个主人心里没有任何愧疚，他便不是人。真的，养猫也不是这样养的。恶心。

今天才知道原已人去楼空。应该打给动物保护协会还是警察？

2008-08-15T21:45:00.002+08:00

当你母亲跟你说她活得很辛苦、很累时，你会做什么？
当你母亲把你当成唯一的诉苦对象，你会做什么？

想让她依赖，所以冷漠。不敢表露心中的关怀和感受。只能默默地，听着她的怨言。没有任何一句关心。只是面无表情。我不是一个好的女儿。

不敢开口。真的不敢。

当你母亲跟你说她想去死时，你会做什么？

2008-08-07T23:52:00.003+08:00

不要劝我不悲伤，不沮丧
不要

不要安慰我，我真的不需要

不要提醒我说过的话，我比谁都记得牢

不要希望我违背我此刻内心顺势的方向

让我静静地就好
该悲伤就悲伤，不要刻意遗忘，不要劝我怎样，我自己清楚
给别人别人最需要的，胜过千言万语自己的认为
第一千遍说这句话，沉默是我最需要的安慰

嘘

以上文字由苏打绿主唱，青峰写成。

还是不经意想起了那一天。如果我愿意，现在应该不会那么后悔吧。现在，向后悔的机会都没有了。最近异常想念。再一次。一次就好。拜托。

真的快受不了了。

迟早会崩溃。

拜托。

再陪我，再抱我，再理我。我很怕之间曾拥有的一切会随时间慢慢流逝。慢慢地，化为乌有。在你心目中，我是否依然保留那个特别的地位？你是否会时时想起我？还是已经把我忘了。想死抓着不放，但不敢表露出来。

因为你讨厌。

拜托。不要忘记我。

不要。

2008-07-31T23:55:00.001+08:00

有些人就是不知道如何闭嘴。

2008-07-25T00:44:00.004+08:00

最近越来越暴躁。是自身的问题，还是环境的问题? 为什么会差这么远呢？为什么他们心胸能够那么狭窄，为什么他们能够以自我为中心。为什么他们这么没人情味。过得很辛苦，真的。每天都提心吊胆。每天都心情恶劣。很奇怪。还在探讨原因。但真的，为什么凡事不能看开，不能就这样算了呢？为什么要耿耿于怀？为什么原意被扭曲？为什么要让我觉得是我活该？为什么一定都是我的错。为什么一定得忍气吞声。为什么我说的话就是废话。为什么为什么。我只想做回自己。做回在圣中，平常的自己。试着努力成为你们心目中，理想中的陈学蕙。但，是你们要求太高，还是我太无能？为什么，只把我当小丑。为什么就不能接受本来的我。为什么要让我觉得我需要迎合你们。为什么要拼命压抑自己。为什么你们就能随心所欲。为什么我需要看你们的脸色。为什么我不敢当面问你们这些问题。为什么我，还是那么懦弱。

小丑得为观众服务，得搞笑，得让别人凌辱。禁止抱怨。除此之外，别无用处。得罪观众，大忌。当街示众。

真的很讨厌这样的自己。懦弱，胆小。

2008-07-20T01:09:00.002+08:00

goldpaperclips wrote:
Jul. 19th, 2008 02:18 pm (UTC)
Re: HARKHUI
I'm sorry I promised to do it but I'm only doing this now! Anyway, here goes, friend :D :D :D

1) The reason why I friended you: Cos you were there & I had no other choice but to talk to you because uh, I was bored & feeling terrible & you were the only soul there who seemed sane enough to talk too. HAHAHA no lah I'M JUST JOKING (: I can't exactly rmb how I friended you, but all I know very clearly's that I knew you proper after that qihang rehearsal at KBCC where I somehow managed to talk quite a bit to you :) It was such a wonderful talk, and I rmb how we said we should have one like that again but never really had (during that period of time) Hark's a special friend :)

2) I associate you with a silly grin :D I don't know if it's good or what because when I think of you that face comes immediately to my mind. Rmb not long ago you sms-ed me & I told you I can imagine you grinning in a silly way. Yah, it's that face. :D Oh, I associate you with Gia Gia too, hahaha! &, Pangster. &, "Ni men ke yi zuo hao lai ma" (during huahui), &, SHREK EARS.

3) You're a very good friend to talk to, & I like hearing you talk too. (: Simple as that. &, you're very deeeeep too, honestly.

4) That time when you called me after you had The Dream, you shouting ah tock in school HAHA, pangsterzzz tuitionzzzzz :), your super damn good chinese, & your sillyness :) &&&, our weird acronyms hahaha! & super high & full of CAPS conversations in MSN :)

5) I wanna ask you uh...Yah. If DBSK GOES TO MALAYSIA/INDIA/SOMEWHERE NEAR WANNA GO WATCH THEIR CONCERT TOGETHER ANOT!

I love you alot friend :)

This totally made my day. :D And Tock ah, I can even imagine that silly grin of mine myself! And and and if DBSK holds a concert in Malaysia we die also have to persuade our parents to let us go there! India is too scary for me. Let's really hope they'll hold one in Singapore!

曲名：亲密爱人歌手：梅艳芳

今夜还吹著风想起你好温柔
有你的日子分外的轻松

也不是无影踪只是想你太浓
怎么会无时无刻把你梦

爱的路上有你我并不寂寞
你对我那么的好这次真的不同
也许我应该好好把你拥有就像你一直为我守候

亲爱的人亲密的爱人
谢谢你这么长的时间陪著我
亲爱的人亲密的爱人
这是我一生中最兴奋的时分

Sudden likeness for this song. (:

2008-07-17T23:19:00.004+08:00

I don't know why am I blogging when I still have a thick set of maths functions not done and 2/3 of EoM to type. Anyway I really feel like typing in chinese. Haha. But recently I'm quite sick of using lengthy sentences to express myself. Short sentences are like so much to the point. Haha. And it sounds better. I'm like talking crap.

Chi Bi's good. I really think the director beautified Zhou Yu and the writer of San Guo Yan Yi beautified Zhu Ge Liang. Haha. I need to finish San Guo Zhi. Stopped after Guan Du but I think I need to re-read to refresh my memory. I so prefer San Guo Yan Yi.

求。那一段辉煌的时光。退缩。身不由己。毫无考虑。后悔。两次。笨。

孤芳自赏。很喜欢这个成语。

再一次。

想说点什么，但不知道如何表达。脑袋空空。内心好像也空空。

恐怖。恶心。幼稚。饥渴。真的很反感。Seriously, grow up. You're being awfully childish and narrow-minded here. I would have told you long ago if only I didn't have to see you for the next one and a half years. Gosh how stupid can you get. Argh. Grossed out. Like ultimately.

This post makes absolutely no sense.

2008-07-15T00:54:00.004+08:00

讨厌被冤枉的感觉。愤怒也不能表达。表面的平静。更会酝酿黑暗的性格。激流澎湃。无法冷静。急需发泄。愤怒胜于委屈。胜于失望。保护色很重。我承认。不只对我。对他一样。无凭无据。一次经验。等于。成见。被贴上标签。从此以后。不只这件事。社会。从今以后。标签。永远。
需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄
愤怒。
需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄
了解。为何。自甘堕落。
需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄
愤怒。
需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄需要发泄
怒。

2008-07-04T23:35:00.001+08:00

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

This is interesting. Haha.

2008-07-04T00:29:00.002+08:00

几年的回忆，原来是可以在一瞬间化为乌有。失去了便失去了。找不回，挽不回。

紫菜不是紫色的，那为什么还叫做紫菜呢？

2008-06-30T23:41:00.004+08:00

Hurr blogger deleted some parts of my post so I have to retype. And I actually wrote alot! );

I didn't know I have classmates that like Yaoi. And I didn't know 2 of my female classmates are mildly bisexual. Haha. Today made me feel as if I was back in SN. Really, today's a good day. (:

Friday was :D. Met Xuezhen Weiting Weien Kaixin Nette Qingqing and alot more! It would have been better if I saw Daddy too. Oh wells, we just don't have that fate. Anyway, met up with YeoXuezhen and omg, she's still as fretarded as ever. Haha. Went back to SN to eat orange bowl. But unfortunately, we dragged till around erm, 2plus then we eat. Cause I wanted Gan Die to prepare orange bowl for me mah~ Hee. d: So in the meantime, me and retarded Xuezhen ate toast! Omg I miss toasty toast toast. ): Sandwiches are like.. total noobs as compared to SN toasts. Hurr. And then it was chinchow! Omg omg omg I so miss that drink please! Anyway talking to retarded Xuezhen is uber funness. But was actually preparing for H2H talk when suddenly, we saw a flash of white light. After which it became suan-ing white light sessions and exclaim-over-nashouge sessions. Hurr. After which went to Drama Studio to see Huahui! (: It was Xubie preparations and yeah it reminded me of us reds' own Xubie and our performances to our seniors. Aye reminiscence creeping in. /: Anyway lingered for awhile and went down to basketball court to play ball. Omg I so miss that place can. Hurr. After ball went back to Drama and stupid Weien came. Pity retarded Xuezhen had to go home early. If not we could walk out together! ); Sang Huige and CCA ended. Went home. I miss trips back home from SN and I specially miss the company of white light. Miss her walking me home. ); But still, company's good. (: Friday's been a happy happy day for Harkhui! Happy happy. (:

Saturday was hmm.. don't know how to say. Company was fabulous but school system sucks. Hope everything's alright. /: But day progressed with a happier note because.. I bought Five in the Black album! :D Trip to Heeren was worth it. Oh oh Harkhui can buy one DBSK stuff to reward herself! Cause for every midyear paper that Harkhui passes, she's gonna reward herself with a DBSK item! :D But but Harkhui has already bought Yoga's album before knowing results so hmm should that be counted as a reward? Harkhui's like spending alot. But DBSK is love! And one shouldn't be too stingy when spending on love right right? X: Anyway, Yoga's album's good. Like really really. (: Aye just remembered there's bad news! My hard disk is damaged so all files are lost. Ain't sure whether it's the C drive that's spoiled or H Drive. Am hoping it's not the H drive cause there are like 150+ pictures of KJH and 130+ pictures of KJJ. OMG IF IT'S H DRIVE THAT'S REAL BAD NEWS. I WOULD CRY PLEASE. ); And of course there are photos of me and all the SN people. OMG OMG SHIT. NO NO NO. );

Sigh. Heart grows fonder.

2008-06-18T19:53:00.002+08:00

I miss sn. I really do. Hell I should be studying. I need people around me when I study, something like an influence. SN used to have dozens of that. I'm such a loser.

Dreading Midyears. Even when midyears are over, there's still the annoying PW. Wth. I really need to release all these built-up frustrations/emotions/whatever.

2008-06-11T22:47:00.003+08:00

Seems interesting.

Heh just realised I haven't written down a single name which I've known in Aj.

Weird.

I need to hug someone real tight for like hmm 10mins without her asking me reasons or any talking. Sms me if you're available kay? I swear I'm going crazy if I don't have body contact with anyone soon.

2008-06-11T01:13:00.002+08:00

是遗传。

真的那么好笑吗？为什么听的人都会笑？我可是，差点哭了出来。但没有人知道没有人知道没有人知道。希望有人能体谅，能了解。太奢望了吗？虽然只是为时一小时半的梦，但感觉像是漫长的一天。梦醒时分，我想，真的没有人知道我当下的感受。所以他们才能那么肆无忌惮地笑着吧。无助惊悚担心害怕刺激罪恶愧疚懊恼压抑恶心。一次过的体验。真的，那么好笑吗？

是遗传。

2008-06-08T18:02:00.001+08:00

没有人知道没有人知道没有人知道没有人知道。不会，有人知道。真的真的很害怕。害怕自己会变成那一种人。我现在读的东西，想的东西，无可否认，正在慢慢的影响着我。可以感觉到我的变化。这种变化，让我感到刺激，感到兴奋。可是也因此而感到愧疚，感到龌龊。是什么感觉呢，我一时好像也说不上来。也不知道该不该抗拒这种变化。应不应该顺其自然？不知道不知道。没有人知道没有人知道没有人知道没有人知道。

对了，这种变化，好像叫做邪恶。

2008-06-07T01:18:00.002+08:00

Ignoring and avoiding messages and calls seem to be my daily routine now. Just don't feel like getting in touch with the outside world. Don't want to talk to anyone. Wonder what's wrong with me. Whatever, right now I just feel like shunning away from everybody. I mean, what's the point in interacting with people? /:

Oh and yayness to Internet. Woohoo! It's not making me study but it's giving me lots of hmm.. highness? :D

I should really start studying soon if I want to get pass promos. /:

Oh, book fair was not bad. Managed to buy somethings. (:

Hmm this is boring.

And I still miss you. But hmm it's alright. Ha wth I'm talking crap. And I think I've missed the opportunity to tell you something but oh wells, it doesn't really matter cause you don't care.

I really really miss body contact. I want to hug someone from the back, hold someone's hand, hook someone's arm, lean on someone, sit on someone and alot alot alot more. I NEED body contact. Think that's the reason I'm becoming more anti-social(?). I miss classroom days. Someone someone date me out to let me touch you please. ); Touching date? No pun intended and this sounds wrong but pfft, heck. (Tempted to insert vulgarities. My vulgarities vocabulary is expanding at an alarming speed. Whoot!)

2008-05-31T03:08:00.001+08:00

AB Camp was surprisingly fun. I prefer the people there to my class now. X:

I want night trail again! Navajo is yayness. (:

2008-05-18T03:25:00.002+08:00

It's alarming, how much it changes when you move on from an all girls school to junior college. Example, gender discrimination. Some guys just think they don't need to listen to girls. On normal circumstances I can accept. But during groupwork like PW? Gosh kid, grow up. I wonder if you listen to your mother. Pardon my language and tone here, I'm really fucking pissed.

2008-05-11T23:04:00.003+08:00

Omg I really have very short attention span. ):

I get headaches when I study for more than 1hour.

I want to drop school.

I want to go to Bermuda Triangle.

I want to hug Weien.

I want to hook Puay's arm.

I want to hold Cecilia's hand.

I want to shout AHTOCK.

I want to have 3 wishes.

My mum bought me Mickeymouse foolscap photoalbum notebook colourpencils. Damn cute sia.

Finally got a Mickeymouse pencil case. Yay!

I think I should fill up my Mickeymouse photoalbum with pictures.

My Chinese words are getting uglier.

I need to be in touch with Chinese soon.

Shall write more Chinese.

I feel like climbing Mt. Kinabalu.

I want holidays to come nownownownownownownownow.

Give me back my life.

2008-05-04T22:13:00.002+08:00

Life gets interesting when you're in Jc. Trust me.

I miss walking down SN corridors suddenly. Anyone wants to accompany me in doing so soon? Pwetty please? :D

2008-05-01T23:55:00.002+08:00

I have dozens of homework and yet I'm still blogging, wth.

It's weird when you go to everyone's blog and you see them blogging about their new friends. And then you start to wonder whether you've drifted from them. Realised I haven't mentioned anything about my class. Maybe I'm just weird. But I don't know whether to be sad or happy for my friends who've moved on. I'm such a selfish brat. Why does it always seem to be me who clings on to all those fond old memories? It's just difficult for me to understand how can one miss something yet still carry on with her life normally. Yeah maybe suffering is optional and I brought it upon myself. But I really can't move on. I'm stuck and I don't want to move. The sad thing is not seeing your friends moving on, the depressing thing is seeing them running away in peals of laughter with their new found friends, and not giving a damn about you. It's only till you die then people start to blame themselves for not spending enough time with you. Screw that.

Did I mentioned I was threatened by my classmate's circle of friends outside? Yeah I've been warned not to 'bully' her because apparently, suan-ing is a form of bullying and yeah I've bitten her, which I'm not supposed to because I shouldn't be angry when someone leaked my secrets. Thanks for reminding me that I shouldn't be so stupid and naive to trust new classmates. It's really my fault, so maybe I should hurt myself before your friends do it. But who knows, I might still be dragged to the bushes on my way home, since I'm a... what were those words that you people called me? Oh yeah, "sicko" and "imbecile". Oh wells, who can I blame? I've always been a sicko and I don't have a circle of friends to back me up. Do not judge a book by its cover, yep, lesson learnt.

2008-05-01T00:46:00.003+08:00

Pain is just an illusion.

Omg I miss SN sports day like hell. And I've been saying ALOT of vulgarities. X:

Dumdumdeedee looks like Dumbledore.

I don't know what to do with you anymore. It's like I miss you yet I want to hate you. I'm angry angry but I can't bring myself to be angry with youuuuu. This is really getting annoying. >:( And after listening to Mayday's songs I really have the urge to tell you. Nothing will come out of it but still, it's just an urge. Risk our friendship? Hmm, are we still friends? I don't know, it seems like I've got nothing to lose now. Maybe I will tell you, just give me a week and let me decide. Afterall, it's been 2 years of hiding. I might need to get a script ready. But then I would probably tear it up the next day. I don't know. I don't make any sense.

Oh, you still owe me some things. But heck, you don't even remember.

2008-04-28T23:19:00.001+08:00

They say what you show to others is important,

But it's what you have hidden that matters most.

2008-04-28T01:19:00.002+08:00

洋葱
作词/作曲:阿信(五月天)

如果你眼神能够为我片刻的降临
如果你能听到心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己像是空气

大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群

盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑
最深处的秘密

如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意

听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣

我就像一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你有一秒
专属的剧情

还是阿信唱的好听。

2008-04-27T04:03:00.002+08:00

Mayday's concert is really fantastic. Can't wait for next year!

“如果你要走，我不会阻止你。因为我已经给你最后的温柔，最美的温柔。” -五月天主唱阿信

五月天的歌真的很棒。歌词都很有意义。希望明年他们能够回到地球表面。超High的。阿信很帅！:D 只可惜……没有双头龙，烟花也没安装在冠佑的椅子下。d:

2008-04-22T19:58:00.001+08:00

读着她的感想，不自觉笑了。因为我也曾有过这样的感觉，这样的幸福。现在，真的再也找不回了。真的真的非常想念。我愿意放弃现在拥有的一切，来换回那一次的幸福，那一刻的感动，那一秒的心动。那一瞬间，我不应该拒绝。现在已经没有机会了。真的，再也没有了。

很向往，你的肩膀。

2008-04-12T01:15:00.002+08:00

I kept writing your name over and over again, on lecture tables, classroom tables, notebooks and foolscap. How loser can I get? Seriously, I want you to contact me first. We haven't talked in ages and it makes me wonder if I'm anything to you. And I'm suppose to be angry when this feeling of 'I-mean-nothing-to-you-and-I've-been-such-an-idiot' creeps into my head. Strangely, I'm not. I know I'm nothing to you but all this while, I just don't want to admit it. But now you just made that fact darn obvious. I really don't think I'll recover from this, I really don't.

This is just fucking pathetic.

2008-04-06T23:53:00.002+08:00

Bleh school sucks. Hate homework. Yuck yuck yuck. I need my daily dose of LoVe to keep me going. ^^ Seriously, Veronica Mars is nice nice nice. For seasons 1 and 2. Watch season 3 for LoVe. :D Jason Dohring is seriously charming. And Kristen Bell is really really pwetty pwetty. Can't wait for Heroes season 2 DVD to be out. :D

A long time ago, we used to be friends
But I haven't thought of you lately at all
If ever again, a greeting I send to you,
Short and sweet to the soul is all I intend.

a, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
a, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
a, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
a, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh

Come on now, honey,
bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when you're good to go
Come on now, sugar,
bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
just remember me when.

It's something I said, or someone I know.
Or you called me up, maybe I wasn't home.
Now everybody needs some time,
and everybody know
The rest of it's fine
And everybody knows that.

Come on now, sugar,
bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when you're good to go
Come on now, honey,
bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
just remember me when

We used to be friends a long time ago.
We used to be friends a long time ago.
We used to be friends a long time ago.
We used to be friends, hey
hey

a, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
a, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
a, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
a, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh

Man I love this song.

2008-03-13T15:18:00.001+08:00

My eyecandy's nice and funny. Yay. (:
I HATE SCHOOL.

2008-03-12T00:18:00.000+08:00

和Jieying一样，我想念华会的全部，不只是启航。还有每个拜四的理事会议，每一次对会员喊的‘坐好来’。想念，准备期间的抱怨。想念，演出时的紧张。想念，谢幕时的高昂情绪。想念，接踵而来的空虚。想念，那些紧紧的拥抱。想念，那些眼泪。想念，那些夜晚。

华会，启航，真的，无法，取代。

2008-03-10T19:24:00.002+08:00

I suddenly miss Qihang and Huahui, wth.

2008-02-29T17:26:00.001+08:00

我一定会超越你。一定会。所以，这一次，我要你好好地，好好地看着我的背影。就当做最后约定。

Harkhui's in love with this song :

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难像切歌切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐我对自己说
蜡烛点了寂寞亮了
生日快乐泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切

还爱你带一点恨
还要时间才能平衡
热恋伤痕幻灭重生
祝我生日快乐

2008-02-27T21:10:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. I think I can foresee 2 years of loner life in Aj. Haha. Oh, one thing I like about the school. It's GREEN. Haha.

I miss A02. ):

2008-02-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

"Sometimes you got to hurt something to help something. " -Ernest Gaines

Seriously, what is your problem. You're annoying me so much I feel like killing you more than myself. Just shut up.

2008-02-13T00:26:00.001+08:00

肤浅

怨

2008-02-10T20:34:00.001+08:00

感觉今年犯太岁犯得超严重的，才两个月就已发生了那么多不愉快的事。如果接下来的日子并没改善，我不知道我还能撑多久。

我是说真的。

快疯了

2008-02-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

无欲。

说真的，今年的生日，过得异常的愉快。简单，单调。没有大肆的庆祝，没有多余的礼物。今年的生日，很安静。我很喜欢。我想，是因为这是我第一次没在圣尼各拉过生日吧。虽然因为怀念而感到一丝的感伤，但我还是很喜欢今年的生日。很平静，很安静。但是，不知为什么，想起了在圣尼各拉度过的那十个生日，曾陪伴我度过那十个生日的朋友们。今时今日，又有哪些仍旧保持联络。我想，大家都长大了，对吧？今天的我，真的毫无欲望。总之，祝我生日快乐。

无求。

2008-01-24T00:32:00.001+08:00

20th February. I can't wait. :D

2008-01-18T00:28:00.000+08:00

Ok, it's been like eons since I last posted but rah, who cares. I miss SN. Ok, slow or what. But I don't know. Few days ago, while taking my dad's car to I-forgot-where, it just suddenly struck me that I'm leaving StNicks, like for good. Maybe it's cause we were driving through the school route. I don't know. Just got reminded of loads of stuff. Like how screwed my P1 life was, and how annoying and loud i was in P2, threatening the class that our form teacher would not treat us to chicken wings if they continued to be so noisy and writing their names on the blackboard. (Yes I was a monitor.) P3 was the issue about Davina, Junyin and Pamela. And me being the kpo kid kept on grabbing chances to question them about what happened. P4, upon knowing that we're in the same class again, me and Yunjie just hugged each other. P5, Yunjie-Lynette conflict. Haha, it was a kinda sad period, like seeing two of your best friends falling out with each other and the point is, they were such good friends. Like besties. And me and Maple were like.. sandwiched between them and trying to resolve their conflict. Oh wells, let's jsut say we failed. P6, depressing period. And graduation rehearsals. Me flaring up with 6J and storming out of the music room, then regretting it the moment I stepped out. Seriously, at P6 I was already si yao mian zi and thought I should give them a lesson. Gosh, I don't think I'll ever forget this incident. And then was the release of PSLE results. Was super shocked when I saw the A* for English and the score that I had. Went to find Mrs Khong and thanked her like super many times. Ah Lui's fulcrum-broom dance, Goh Sock Lai = goldfish, Hummie's chops, Mrs Khong's super lame jokes, Cheong Mary's biasedness towards me and not forgetting Walter Khoo. Haha, he's the best man.

And then Secondary life started. Got to know like.. alot of people. Haha. I don't know what can I say now. Seriously, holidays has ripped me of the ability to express myself. Every night, I don't know why but I'll just be reminded of StNicks. And then I'll feel like crying everytime, and I'll just really wish that there'll be someone right beside me whom I can hug and all. A phonecall isn't enough, it seriously isn't. It's not like I'm not used to SA, surprisingly, I don't feel uncomfortable or anything. It's more of a neutral feeling. But I always get this feeling that I'll go back to StNicks for lessons and going down to the basketball court to play ball and waiting for Apple and singing random songs while playing. And then part of the class would rush to the Science lab while others would just take their time and then Choo will come up and exclaim, "Wah! Still got people in class! Walao eh, my lesson already, quick quick take pencil case and (fill in worksheet name) and go down to the lab la! By the time you all walk down already 10mins gone liao la! Wahpiang eh! Walk faster!" And our class would just look at him and go, "Orh", but continue to walk super slowly. It's a feeling like being in SA is just an excursion or another NE trip. But the scary thing is, that day when I went back to StNicks to see Huahui and their auditions, I really had the feeling that I don't belong anymore. Yes everything is familiar but.. it just doesn't feel right. It somehow felt like I no longer had any place to return to. Instead it felt like I was chased out of home. I don't know. I'm feeling really terrible right now. I've just been tolerating for quite long and yes it took me this long to realise, I'm no longer a member of StNicholasGirlsSchool. It has become a place for me to visit, not return to.

It's gross how time flies. In 4-5years time, we'll be working. Next year, we'll be 18. Life's really short. And StNicks took up like 10years of my life. Crap, I don't even know what's the point of typing all this.

2008-01-01T15:19:00.000+08:00

如果不是烟火的提醒，我也许早就忘记今天是2008年。说真的，新的一年对我而言只不过是另个普通的一天。我不知道人为什么要用烟花来庆祝新年的来临。因为他们怎么能肯定2008年一定会比2007年好。说真的，如果把每天都当成向跨年的一天，我想反而会更有意义吧。哈，我都不明白我在说些什么。总之，只不过是过了一年，就这样。我不屑2007年，也不想怀念。或感谢。因为在2007年里认识的人，发生的事，都已过去了。感谢只会让自己更加沉沦在回忆当中。我也不期待2008年能带给我什么，因为我相信，是我决定我将在2008年所经历的事情。

最后想提的是，金桢勋真的很棒！^^ 希望他在2008年也能迷死更多人。KJH FIGHTING! :D

2007-12-17T18:56:00.000+08:00

My favourite song at the moment :

感觉天气冷了就加件毛衣
而不是急着躲进某个人的怀里
这麽简单的常识我竟然忘记
直到你离去才回复记忆

还可以呼吸心跳也还规律
只除了寂寞它还不肯马上就平息
相恋和失恋如果说都需要练习
一次学会两种也算好事情

谢谢你教会我爱需要两颗心
谢谢你示范了什麽人该放弃
谢谢你提醒我痛会唤醒勇气
谢谢你曾让我这样的爱过你

只要睁开眼睛就有好风景
再不用苦苦等你偶尔的好心情
这种简单的快乐比玫瑰美丽
我相信伤心会慢慢痊癒

总觉得这首歌真的很符合我现在的状况。现在的你，对我而言，可有可无。这一次，真的结束了。终于，结束了。

2007-12-15T17:18:00.001+08:00

沉默是一種力量

2007-12-08T03:43:00.000+08:00

曾经一度以为他是虚伪的，但我错了。其实他一点也不虚伪，他很好。说真的，他对我，比你对我还来的好。我不知道为什么你会这样对我，现在的你，对每个人都好，唯独我。对我，你不闻不问。我想，对你而言，我的事已经和你毫无关系了吧。说真的我很失望。我早就猜到，你一定会忘了那个约定。但我没想到，就连你对我许下的承诺，你也忘了。我不知道你是忘了还是还不想履行约定。如果你没忘记，那么为什么你浪费了那么多次的机会？我不知道，也不敢知道。我们之间最后的那两个约定，果然只有我记得。我想，对你而言，和我一起的回忆，以变得多余，对不对？虽然不想去证实，但你已经开始讨厌我，对不对？不，你一开始，就觉得我很厌烦，对不对？我不知道，我不了解你。算了，再也不想去猜测你再想什么，再也不想。真的，算了。

从今以后，我们互不向欠。

2007-11-27T00:49:00.000+08:00

就这样，毕业了。就这样，在圣尼各拉十年的学生生涯结束了。感觉...很不真实。不知道。一切好像过得太快了，根本没有毕业的感觉。也许我真的太习惯这学校的一切。不感伤，不兴奋。说真的，对于今天的一切，我一点感觉也没有。不过现在，好像再也没有理由回去学校了。已经不是学生，也不是华会会员。真的，已经结束了吗？感觉像做了一场梦。真的，一点也不真实。

至于我们呢，我想，也已经结束了吧。但仍有点后悔。因为有很多想对你说的话，始终说不出口。我就是那么的胆怯。也许，这会成为我们之间永远的秘密。但在这同时，很想问你，你又对我隐藏了多少秘密？真的真的，是时候忘了你。这次，会说到做到...吧。

为何时间总是那么急
为何见面却又要分离
难道不能一直守候在一起
一起快乐一起欢笑一起到天明
谁来告诉我为什么是你
我管不了顾不了躲不掉
在我的脑里心里梦里全都是你

喜欢，歌里的这一段。

2007-11-20T21:14:00.000+08:00

HUAHUI CAMP'S OVER ):
It ended damn fast la. Like the night passed damn quickly and didn't really get to do much of the plan I had. Haha. But it's still fun. Like Huahui leh, duuuuh. The Xuejies played and eat and sleep. Haha. Watching people play Uno is funnehhh. Especially watching Jieying play. Oh my gosh damn funny, she just gets bullied all the time. Played Dai Di Mahjong one game of Chinese Chess and Snap. Didn't win or lose for Dai di la, sad. Mahjong was funnneh. Stupid Weien just keeps going "Lucky lucky!" when she picks a tile. Gosh damn stupid and annoying but funny. Oh oh and Snap is damn funny too! Like we just don't know how to play and everybody just bend down near the pile of cards so that we'll snap in time. Oh gosh and then Ameline is so super biased. Like "point goes to Anges" even when I won. Hurr. Ameline is super retarded too. Like when we asked whose turn is it she actually pointed to me and said "Your fault." HAHA. Oh my gosh that was funny to the max. And we talked about really stupid stuffs. Seriously, Mer is rather.. weird. Like she just sits there in one corner and quietly stacks up poker cards into pyramids. But it wasn't all play no work. Walked around the track with Jieying, too bad there weren't many stars around there. It was nice though. Like singing some emo songs but then later singing anti-climax songs. Haha. Then we went to the netball court. Yay there were many many stars! Like really prettyyyy. Afterwards Cecilia and Weiling came to join us and we had nice nice talks. Yay CCA friends are the best. :D

Oh didn't talk about Yeyou. Ehh, wasn't really scary. And very short! Actually the plot is quite simple but we just made it complicated. Haha. And I think our group damn funny, I meant the daoyous. Cause we felt that if Yeyou ended just like that it wouldn't be any fun. So just added another scene. Like 5 of us would go into the toilet cubicles and slam the door while another closes the toilet door and lock them inside. Oh and we off-ed the lights. Damn funny. Aiya lazy to explain the details but yeah it was fun. (: The group even said that this was the most frightening part of the whole yeyou. Haha. Oh and after that there's this incident of this lady with long hair + sleeve wearing white waving to Charmaine Xiuqi Serene Laypeng. Then some brave people decided to check it out yo. Haha. Yeah so me Shanling Weien Weiting brought the foursome to the gates. Thinking back, I wonder why I wasn't afraid. Hurr. And school is really really really dark at night. Well anyway, in the end this incident was not frightening at all. Like it was actually just one art club person who decided to wave at some people for fun. Haha.

Yay camp was nice and fun. But in the end we were all so tired. Oh! Being with Siowyu just makes you do weird things. Like rolling around in the dance studio from one end to the other just for 20cents. Haha gosh I wonder why did I even do that kind of stupid thing. Anyway after that was grad rehearsal. Gosh me and Xuezhen were like walking zombies la. But yeah felt guilty cause we told Puay that we'll go back to sleep and will come back. Aiya why they end earlier. ): But we were seriously damn tired. Like could just sleepwalk. Oh and I had 3 sleeping bags to myself. ^^ One for pillow one for bolster and another for keeping warmth. Haha.

Oh man I want to come back next year. Seriously, I miss Huahui like alot alot alot alot alot alot alot alot alot alot. ):

2007-11-17T02:43:00.000+08:00

Ok, quite slow but yeah, O's are over! Whoots! I think I'm such a nerd. Like chiong-ing to library with Puay and Serene after last paper is so coolios to the max yo. Rah it seems like there are alot of things I want to do but it just seems like there's so little time. ): Oh wells, I kinda dread graduation. The worst thing is not appearing in front of everybody in a dress which may most probably make them end up rolling on the floor, shrieking in laughter. The worst is getting the dress. I can deal with embarrassment and humiliation and blah but getting the dress is like.. rah. Like no matter how drop dead gorgeous the dress is, people'll still laugh at you. And I hate shopping. Boo.

至于你，我真的不知道该怎么做了。虽然很累，但还是无法让自己停止不去想这个问题。

曾经读过这段文字：当不断地面对着失败和绝望时，你开始可能会觉得痛苦，但久而久之，你会习惯这种痛苦，失败和绝望也会看似没什么大不了，且完完全全的成为生活的一部分。因为已经麻木了。

总觉得，这段话，很悲哀。

2007-10-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

如果你也听说 歌手: 张惠妹

突然发现站了好久
不知道要往哪儿走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我
初恋我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多

如果你也听说
有没有想过我
像普通旧朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和舍不得
又无可奈何

如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温热

许多话题关于我
旧恋我也有听过
我想我宁可都沉默
解释反而显得做作

夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多

如果你也听说
有没有想过我
像普通旧朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么负荷舍不得
又无可奈何

如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温热

如果你想起我
你会想到什么

I really like this song. (:

压抑着即将崩溃的情绪，没想象中难。但不知为什么，一到了夜深人静时刻，就有种想哭的冲动。不知道可以跟谁诉苦。不知道谁会愿意静静地听我哭，不追问原因。真的很怕自己会崩溃。

我不能退回原点。我不会守在你的身边了。保重。

2007-09-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

Why can't Singapore have more donut shops? Rah. Oh hey someone! My computer is in working order again! Mwaha.

A long time ago in a land faraway
lived a pineapple princess Tiki
She was sweet as a peach in a pineapple way
but so sad she hardly speaky

I'm pineapple princess! Haha. I think I've been really unproductive these 2 days. I just read about Astronomy and made my own birth chart! Woohoo! Maybe I can use it and predict what I'll get for O's and Prelims. Teehee. I think I'm weird.

Hey hey you you I think you're addictive. Why can't you just send me a random message huh? Why must I always make the first move HUH? I shall ignore you till the day you decide to do something. I MEAN IT! >:(
(Haha, I think I sound like Patrick here. I don't know why! Must be that angry face. -points- It really does look like Patrick.)

2007-09-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

人生难免会有遗憾，但拥有这些遗憾，并不代表我们不能过得开心。昨晚，又梦见了你。梦醒时分，梦中的希望也随之消失了。也许，有一天，我会把你送给我的回忆统统烧掉。但就让我再执著一下，一下就好。

Humuhumunukunukuapua'a is a seriously cute song. I love the fishy talky talky! :D

2007-09-01T00:38:00.000+08:00

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
Doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try
Somehow the plan
Is always rearranged

It's so hard to say
But I've got to do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall every time
Another colour turns to grey
And it's just too hard
To watch it all
Slowly fade away

I'm leaving today
'Cause I gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

I gotta leave but I'll miss you

So, I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go-my own way

I like Ryan Evans ! :D But this is not sung by him. Hurr. Oh and I like Hairspray too! Despite the little curl on his forehead, I think Zac Efron is actually not bad looking. And he guest-starred in CSI. Haha. Quite funneh. Oh wells, Ryan Evans is still the ultimate-est. (:

2007-08-26T18:33:00.001+08:00

I'M A HAPPY KID TODAY. MICKEY MINNIE MARIO SOUR PLUM <33

I'LL GET THE STITCH! :D

2007-08-25T23:07:00.001+08:00

Aiyo, just when I'm starting to like Benjamin, he didn't get into the finals. ): He sang really well and he looked so cute and shuai! Rah. Oh and I think Keely really very pretty. Haha. I like Benjamin's version of 'Xi Jie'.

I like this part of 人质.

在我心上用力的开一枪
让一切归零在这声巨响
如果爱是说什么都不能放
我不挣扎反正我也没差

人质在这一刻得到释放
相爱的纯粹落得如此下场
你满意吗我们都别说谎

不要再对我那么温柔。要么就彻底地伤害我、羞辱我。反正你造成的伤口已经够多够深了，再多一个也无妨。哈，我想如果我此时此刻死了，我一定会成为一个怨魂。

真的不要再出现，至少不要让我看见。也许你不知道，但真的很噁。这是我最后一次警告。滚。

2007-08-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

昨晚竟然梦见了你。梦里的你，一点也没变。害我差点以为那并不是一场梦。原来，梦并不完全与现实相反。一切，再也真实不过。

真的很讨厌自己。明明忘记了去缅怀，却仍对你有所期待。这种期待，被允许吗？

我，真的很讨厌很讨厌那个一直在我眼前、在我脑海晃来晃去的影像。

恶心。

2007-08-21T22:01:00.000+08:00

I'm rather happy today! I tihnk kids really brighten up my day. Was on the train and this little Indian girl with her mother came in. I always have this urge to look at kids and marvel at their cuteness while convincing myself that I was once this adorable too. Anyway, when I looked down, the girl was looking at me too and I smiled(Friendly ehhhh). And and and she smiled back! : D Damn cute la. Ok, the best part has yet to come. Well, later I felt this pair of huge innocent orbs staring at my direction so I looked back and then she gave such a cutesy smile and grabbed my hand! Oh man that was seriously cute. Like she just took my hand and swung it can! As if I'm her big sister or something. Anyway, her mother got such a shock and pulled her away, scolding her in a language I didn't understand. But she didn't want to let go. So I had to yank my hand away or her mother will continue to scold her. And when I pulled my hand away, she had such a dejected look can! Aw man, that expression on her face really made me felt very very guilty. Hurr. I'm such a kiddy killer(Alliteration!). Cutesy kids are the ultimate coolios. Right o' Coolio? : DDD

最深的想念，就是拥抱的时候还能想念对方；而最大的疏理，莫过于亲密的时候还觉得彼此陌生。

惋惜也只是对过去的想念和不舍；或许还有些期待。

记忆总是在出来捉弄人。

只想说，放下并不代表放弃。

(This is such a weird combination of Chinese and English posts. Hurr.) Oh I can't wait to watch Hairspray. : D

2007-08-18T21:08:00.000+08:00

Commoner：不要只顾着为我感到高兴，自己也要开心点，知道吗？(:

某某人：Ok 虽然我不知道你是谁，但你的意思是，你现在也放手了吗？

2007-08-18T02:41:00.000+08:00

Running Away - Midnight Hour
Don't lie and say that it's okay
It's alright if there's nothing more to say

So I'm running away
I'm leaving this place
Yeah I'm running away
I'm running away

Don't tell me I'm the one to blame
It's too late for you to make me stay
No I won't stay

So I'm running away
I'm leaving this place
Yeah I'm running away
I'm running away

I'm faster than you can follow me from this lonely place
And farther than you can find me
I'm leaving
Yeah I'm leaving today

And I, I'll never let you find me
I'm leaving you behind with the past
No I won't look back
And I don't wanna hear your reasons
Don't wanna hear you tell me why I should stay

And try, and try to understand me
Try to understand what I say
When I say I can't stay
I, I'm moving on from this place
I'm leaving and I won't quit
I'm running away

I'm running away
I'm leaving this place
Yeah I'm running away
I'm running away

I like this song. (:

2007-08-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

最近，比较释怀了。也许，刻意让自己去遗忘，反而会更加痛苦吧。不知道对其他人是怎样，不过对我来说，以另一种角度去看待那些回忆，的确较少痛楚。因为它以不再是回忆，它已变成了记忆，永存在脑中，再也挥散不去。但重要的是如何去面对。现在，与其去把那些回忆、记忆看成一种惋惜，倒不如将它们看成一种美丽。像《不能说的.秘密》里的路小雨说的，“能够拥有，10年已经很长。”

至少我拥有过那一段绚丽。人不应该太自私，懂得拥有，也该懂得放手。

对你，我已毫无要求。只是希望你在我转身之后，不要叫住我。因为我真的很怕会克制不住自己。现在的我，也许会偶尔期待、偶尔缅怀，但我已不再期望你真的出现。我想，还是保持这段距离吧。

2007-08-07T23:46:00.000+08:00

今天在操场上对着夜空呼喊出对你的思念。原来，一点用也没有。喊完真的有一股想哭的冲动。但我忍住了。
我到底到底还在期待什么。真的真的很想放手。我，应该做得到的。

“旧的记忆过去了就没了。未来是有可能去创造出来、有计划就可能成功的。过去，过了就没了。” -周杰伦
这句话，再也真实不过了。

既然你已经向前迈进，我也不应该死守着这些回忆。反正，你再也不会回头。其实我知道，折磨我的，是我自己，并不是那些回忆。令我伤心难过的，也许是那份寂寞吧。是我自己不能适应。所以，我也许不该对你失望。令人失望的，是我自己。也许，也许。我答应了自己，一定要忘。我会说到做到。相信我。真的很想放弃了。只是，让我再哭一下下。哈，让我想起了同恩的歌。

我也会向前迈进，不会，再回头看了。或许有一天你会回头，或许你会被某些事物唤醒那些曾经。但我能肯定，在那时候，会是你，看着我的背影离去。

Who's 'passerby'? o.O Have this naggy feeling it's not a passerby. Hurr.

眼泪我会替自己擦

2007-08-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

如果真诚是一种伤害，请选择谎言；如果谎言是一种伤害，请选择沉默；如果沉默是一种伤害，请选择离开；如果爱是一种伤害，我宁愿不要爱。

2007-07-29T18:39:00.000+08:00

Was reminded of that day. When I felt like crying and you grabbed my head, wanting to place it on your shoulder. I rejected. I've said I won't cry, and I don't want to break that promise. Especially not in front of you. How I regretted. Right now, I would give anything to cry on your shoulder again. Just once would be enough.

I'm such a kid, crying over spilled milk.
How ironic, telling people to be strong when I'm being such a weakling.
I wish time would fly faster. Then I'll forget you better. Maybe there'll be less pain.

Stop telling me one thing yet doing another. I'm really tired, trying to guess the meaning behind every single thing you do.
Maybe this is the time. For us to say goodbye.

2007-07-28T13:42:00.000+08:00

It's weird how everybody's studying for tests and you're not. Oh wells, the headache is getting horrible. Even panadols don't work. Rah. Everytime I want to study, I would just feel like falling asleep. What little self-discipline I have. Can someone just force me to study? Like really hit me when I slack. I want to study alone but I think I need a studying partner.

"Sleep what sleep? Come to school for what? To sleep is it? Your house no bed ar?"
Somehow, I hope someone tells me that whenever I'm falling asleep when studying. /:

It's not hurting that much now. Maybe that's because I've stopped re-reading your letter over and over again. I don't know. When you told me you've been feeling happy, I was rather disappointed. Was hoping that you'll be feeling as miserable as me. Guess I was wrong. Maybe it didn't bother you at all. I'm such a selfish kid. I like batman.

Get it over duuude.

2007-07-22T00:17:00.001+08:00

Ok this is quite long ago but I feel like posting it. (:

陈学蕙（秘书）：
· 不是很善良，有时不认真，做事有点不专心 (Walao what bu shi hen shan liang. I'll kill the person if I know who she is.)
· 很幽默，很搞笑，风趣，有时玩得太疯狂，但会适可而止
· 凶起来很凶，又是很严肃
· 有责任感
· 友善，最可爱的学姐
· 注重华会会员的形象
· 会帮助学妹
· 积极是个很好的秘书

2007-07-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

落泪以前再看一眼你模糊侧脸
这会不会是最后纪念
我凝视你而你凝视窗外的阴天
一句抱歉都僵在嘴边

我搞不懂我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后是否住着伤口
我想不透我们的爱怎么了
雨下过以后是否能让什么复活

你的笑脸还在胸前晃动着昨天
为何回忆会让人晕眩
如果我们继续向前走进雨里面
会不会有溶解的危险

明明从前连争执都很甜美
现在怎会说句话就能痛一遍

人群里面那个我把幸福遗落
那曾经走过的路口我停了你却走
我想捂住我的耳朵听不见你说
爱就在此刻松手分手放手

我猜不透不猜透和你背对背的走
原来怪我没有没有爱情的天分你才要走

我想要学会自我催眠痛觉会少一些
潜意识作祟想着想到失眠
我躺在没有你的房间寂寞更加明显
我渐渐的自我催眠却回不到从前

等着红灯那个我还会向前走
也许那幸福的执着在下一个路口
专属铃声我还留着却静静沉默
在我们之间爱了放了散了

我会不说不想说怕说了也没有用
现在我的幽默只是掩饰着心痛我的难过

我想要学会自我催眠聪明再多一些
潜意识作祟想着想到失眠
我走在没有你的世界却走不到永远
我渐渐的自我催眠慢慢闭上双眼

I'll just think of you everytime I listen to these two songs. And then I'll just start crying. I want it to stop. Please tell it to stop. Maybe it'll listen to you. I miss you I miss you I miss you. What can I do to prevent it from happening? It's getting really out of hand and I'm letting my heart take over my brain. Please, I really don't want it to happen. I want to let you know. No I don't. I'm confused. Stop making me cry while reading your letters.

On a happier note, I went back to huahui today! (: I miss the atmosphere so much. If only I could shout 'huiyuan ji he!' again. ):

2007-07-14T02:45:00.000+08:00

Xubie was unexpectedly fun. I think we were all damn high. And I'm like super tired and I don't know why. Mmm, I guess we really really left them and huahui. Was rather shocked that I didn't cry. Haha. Only did when I saw laoshi cry. So xintong la! I think my paragraph doesn't make sense because I didn't really use much connectors. I think I should write letters to those juniors that I didn't. Who says you can't give letters after xubie even if the letters were meant for that event. d: I think the fact that our last CCA activity is over hasn't really strike me yet. I guess it will take quite long for the reality to sink in. I look at my book and I regret not writing more stuff inside. Sorry book. ): Ok, I'm wrong. The reality is sinking in now at this ungodly hour. Argh. I feel so shit.

You know I can just read those notes and letters over and over again and smile to myself over and over again. And then I'll realise the reason behind writing those letters is because we probably won't see much of each other anymore. And that's rather depressing. Shit. The emo thingy is like really near me now. Go away. Shoo.

All the happy memories in my head are related to this CCA. I wonder if it's possible for any other things to make me this happy and.. xing fu. Ok, I better stop the emo-ness. I'll try to pop by drama studio if I can. (: Argh, now when I think of stepping into drama studio, I have this sense of dread. Too much of the fond memories that it actually hurts. Man I can't stop the depressing tone. I'm such a lousy shit. I shall just stop here and retreat to my pillow. Where I can finally let go of the tears.

叙别 2007 - 秋天的秋千, 世界末日

I think the whole of huahui is great today. Serious, I thank everyone for the effort they've put in.

2 songs which best describes my feelings now :
Mm-Mm I want to linger
Mm-Mm a little longer
Mm-Mm a little longer here with you
Mm-Mm it’s such a perfect night
It doesn’t seen quite right
That it’s my last night here with you
( I have a feeling that it'll really be my last night with you. )

我们不哭在分开的场面
没有遗憾今天是最好的句点
我们不哭在回家后的房间
没有眼泪并不代表爱很浅
(不哭不哭不哭. 说好的，不会哭)

再见，我们一定会再见.

2007-06-29T23:32:00.000+08:00

Changed seating arrangement. Sitting with Bestfriend/Cai Ying is HILARIOUS. Math has become our nonsense session. All the news reporting and bai chi and Power Puff Never Kana Dengue La Bodoh are funnehhh. Xiao Hua steals my pens and then put them back into my pencil case and she tortures me eg. pinching me messing up my table etc. But I still like singing with her, we make a fine duet!

Weilao today, sort of zi-highed. I think I'm a lousy bottle popper. But I thought opening the sparkling juice bottle without spilling a single drop is much more pro. ): Oh wells, I think I'm going to suffer from nostalgia for a very very VERY long period of time. I miss us. ): When will those Thursdays come again?

And no, none of it's true cuz I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head for my heart for its true

2007-06-20T21:39:00.000+08:00

罗志祥 - 力量
想念长了翅膀他跟着我流浪
独自背着行囊看着人来人往

躺在陌生的床眼睛没办法合上
想着这些年过了一关又一关

也许我太逞强
但是我无时无刻都在想你的臂弯

给我力量陪我闯荡
也许我们都不讲
把爱留在我的心上
超越了太多梦想
时光匆忙不曾遗忘
随时可以回头看
那些时光你在身旁
给我的温暖

给我力量陪我闯荡
也许我来不及讲
你给的爱放在心上
陪伴着每个夜晚
时光匆忙不曾遗忘
有天可以回头看
那些时光你在身旁
忘记了悲伤

突然很喜欢这首歌。

今天的心情，是漂亮的。(:

2007-06-12T00:26:00.000+08:00

Looked under CCA achievements 2007 and I see Chinese drama under performing arts. Haha. And then I got reminded of this song :

Mm-Mm I want to linger
Mm-Mm a little longer
Mm-Mm a little longer here with you
Mm-Mm it’s such a perfect night
It doesn’t seen quite right
That it’s my last night here with you

Haha, I know I'm weird. Oh! And I realised I have very little post, considering the fact that I've been blogging for 5 years. I have only 294 or 295 posts can. It's less than one year la. Haha, I think I'm pathetic.

I think, everything's been going downhill. Like just roll down and roll and roll non-stop. Sooner or later something will happen, I'm sure of it. She seems so disappointed. She's hopeful. Please don't shatter her hopes. Actually, the 'She' I mentioned are two different people, so no point guessing. Haha.

This time, I'll be the audience.

2007-06-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

We still had chemistry after all. (: Had the best dinner ever today. I didn't know we could still talk like that. It felt like family. (: I'm just really really happy. But somehow, there's a part of me that's tearing apart. Must you leave us before we can feel like a family? It feels as if everyone's leaving me. First him, now you, huahui's leaving soon. What's going to happen next? And I just got reminded that he might not live to see my children. Two years, I'm going to spend two freaking years with my parents by my side only. If I go overseas, my parents will be left alone. it's kinda sad thinking about it.

I should get rid of the negetive vibes. It's the best dinner I've ever had so I'm not going to spoil it.

这里的汤，真的很好喝！<3

2007-06-03T22:14:00.000+08:00

真的曾经一度以为将你忘了。真不知道我为何还对你念念不忘。也许真是时候让你走了。你，要我放手吗？只要你点头，我愿意这么做。只是，可不可以答应我，不要忘了我们。

不要以为，受伤受得多的话，就可以不再心碎。不要以为，跌倒跌得多的话，就可以不在意伤口。不要以为，被太多人包围的话，就可以不要安慰。

2007-05-31T00:20:00.000+08:00

而我知道那真爱不一定能白头到老
而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉
而我知道我知道这一切我全都知道
我就是受不了

而我知道我们曾天真的一起哭和笑
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉
而我知道你走了以后的每一分一秒
却还是这么难熬

微笑紧紧咬牙
给你祝福你自由飞吧
你说温室没有灿烂的花 (你总是很有想法)

就这样吧就这样吧
我同意可是我泪如雨下

I jumped around while listening to this song, only realising later that the lyrics are actually quite sad. Haha.

200 steps. From the traffic light outside school to the bus-stop. It's nice walking down the road thinking about nothing and smiling at all those things around you. It felt as if nothing was bothering me. Until I got reminded of you. I hate I hate I hate. Stop showing up in front of me. I feel so useless, isn't that what you always wanted? To see me weak and helpless. Well, you've got your wish. Congratualations.

2007-05-26T00:46:00.000+08:00

Mmm... It's after Sunday. I guess the fact that Qihang's over hasn't sink in. Listened to X and Yu's soundtracks yesterday. Just sat on the bed and listened, replaying the songs over and over again. As the sounds played, the whole Qihang came like a movie in my head. What surprised me was that last year's Qihang came back too, and I remembered every single detail. I couldn't stop crying. Am disappointed with myself. I know I didn't give my best and I just screwed the whole thing up. I don't know why I cried. Maybe it was peer pressure.

Suddenly loved this song alot.

我们不哭在分开的场面
我们拥抱弥补所有的抱歉
没有遗憾今天是最好的句点
以后还能一起面对面

我们不哭在回家后的房间
承受能量所有伤痛少一点
没有眼泪并不代表爱很浅
而是懂得微笑着让彼此怀念

Goodbye my love.
Felt as if I wasn't given any recognition at all. I know it's because I didn't put my heart and soul this year but.. it just feels awful. Maybe that was why I cried.
I just needed you to look at me.

2007-05-19T19:17:00.000+08:00

I really really dread Fridays. I think nobody knows what happened, ha.

I know I'm annoying and irresponsible. So, don't show me that face.

It's quite saddening, to see you treat me that way. I tried to ignore but it's hard. I just can't wait for it to be over. Maybe then you'll realise. Till then, I'll make you regret.

I really really want the Shrek ears from Macdonalds.

2007-05-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

I wonder what's their problem.

I think my passion for everything is gone. For studies, ______, even towards friends. I wonder what's my problem.

It feels weird, to be sick for a week. Everything seems to be.. slower. It feels as if I've drifted from so many things. And I don't bother to find out what's been happening. I think I'm weird.

Seriously, I think ******* suck. No point talking about all those stuff after what's been done. If you really feel that way then don't do it in the first place. No point doing it and apologizing later. What disgusts me is the way you apologise, you don't even sound sorry. I'm not saying it's not my fault, but please think with that head or yours. This is not the first time. So if you want to make it sound as if it's our fault, go ahead. I'm done trying to convince you people. All those shit about taking initiative? Please take those words back. Because we had already taken the initiative but you just decided to continue treating us as if we're invisible. So tell me, who should be the people taking initiative. I'm not going to act as if nothing happened and I don't care if you see this. Just stop irritating me. For your information, I'm easily irritated these days. So shut your fucking mouth up. Just pray that I won't screw up your thing. I can't wait for it to be over.

2007-05-08T16:39:00.000+08:00

I want to eat donut. ):

I'm not as ignorant as I seem to be.
So please do watch out.

2007-05-05T01:20:00.000+08:00

I'm so freaking disappointed and my knee hurts like shit.

2007-05-01T01:03:00.000+08:00

Another song by 蔡旻佑 which is one of my favourites. (:

旋转门
街角巷弄的花猫爱困
路上被填满孤单的枕
月光照下真空的陌生
城市角落谁被刻上永恒

瓷瓦上的灰白色条痕
是你残忍梦想的象征
你不能只不过你不肯
你是否已在追逐梦想的过程
失去原有的率真

旋转大门找不到熟悉的歌声
别再追问永远没有真正的结论
半夜三更谁理谁问谁在等
都不会过分只是彼此走错了门

痛哭，并不是最痛苦的。最痛苦的，应该是想哭，却又哭不出来吧。学会了忍住不哭，真的，能让自己变得更加坚强吗？我好像，更加脆弱，更加懦弱了。真的很想赖着不走，但又有谁希望我留下来。和你走过的痕迹，聊过的话题，真的很想被这些回忆包围着，觉得这样的话，自己就不会忘记与你的一切，时时刻刻被提醒着。

空虚的感觉，

原来是这样。

2007-04-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

I did it I did it I did it I did it. 4days in a row. Hurr.
I really needed you. I'm so sorry for wanting to rely on you so much. But it just came naturally. I miss you so. Tell me what should I do now?
I should listen to The Beatles, let it be let it be let it be.
So what if we got a bronze? Let it be let it be let it be.

2007-04-23T19:05:00.000+08:00

Let It Be

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.

There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

I think I like Beatles. Let it be's the last song they sang and composed before they disbanded. It was their last work together as a band. Let it be, let it be, let it be. I like. (: